Fresh

hmm hmm hmm..mmm.

2009-08-04T02:14:00.000-07:00

to start this "silly" thing again...or not...the question.

in other news...currently digging the little willies, guilty texas pleasures.

blah blah blah

2009-04-11T21:39:00.000-07:00

I feel like I am having an ugly century.

Besides the fact that I havent even been alive for two decades, an ugly century seems to be appropriate because I resemble my grandma so much. Not in eyes, mouth, mannerisms or wit; but style.

Sad, but true.

I am a grandma deep down inside.

And I dont know what to do about it. But lately it seems to be "caning" my bruises.

Hit me like a hurricane

2009-04-02T12:41:00.000-07:00

I think life is so filled with mindless, trivial ideas, thoughts, occurrences, observations, emotions etc. etc. that most if not 99.5% escape our the value of significance.

But then there is one..or perhaps two. Moments..revelations..that well hit you harder than Katrina.

Similarly to a tragic event I cannot recall what happened immediately before my 'hurricane hit' nor what happened right after. All I remember is what happened.

The most life altering one occurred in highschool, pre-play, make up application time. All I can recall is mascara in hand, mouth awkwardly opened (you know that weird make up face) and hesitating...thinking 'I could do this for the rest of my life' and the could was not a surprise..but instead a desire. As if excavating the tip of a gold mine, I struck something and wanted more. Delve deep within to satisfy my greed.

My second revelation..again..mysterious in coming and most definitely going. I think I found my soulmate...or at least the person I would like to spend the rest of my life with. I am not sure why, or what exactly brought me to this decision but again the earth did not split apart and I tumbled down into the depths of the world. Ground didnt shake. Zero lightning...nothing. It just came..landed..settled in and now is here to stay.

My life changed last night.
In a good way.
A great way.
The best is yet to come...and I ain't (never) scared.

better

2009-03-31T12:49:00.001-07:00

my dad said once, "I may be beaten but not broken."

I never heard anyone else say this and maybe my Dad created it but I doubt it. He's a collector of funny saying.

It is so true. Encompasses so much of someone.

I may be beaten today, but not broken.

an end

2009-03-24T12:36:00.001-07:00

an end to being lame, starts today!

I've been slacking

2009-03-12T15:47:00.001-07:00

But I really can't help it.

Spring Break is officially in less than 24 hours. And Bora Bora is in less than 48.

I am but a (wo)man.

everyday

2009-03-05T15:15:00.000-08:00

someone said it was vacation season.
Someone else said it was mid terms.
Someone else blamed it on a sleep debt.
Someone else said it was because better things are around the corner.

No matter what everyone tells themselves, there is not an answer for restlessness. Restlessness when there are plenty of things to be do as in one should need rest, not have excess rest!

I call it a lack of motivation. A lack of motivation from being overly comfortable. Why would one want to move from a stagnant content state? Why would anyone want to force exhaustion, pressure, uncomfortableness etc etc on their self?

No one would want to. But someone else said it was because I want to better myself.

Super human syndrome.

Drug dealers, rap stars and alpha males are all prone to this.

Is it a bad thing?
I think not.

If anything it is a rare and desirable quality.

Everyday I'm hustlin'
Everyday I need to remind myself to do that.

at 6:14 am

2009-02-25T04:13:00.000-08:00

I begin to feel bad for my body.

quickie

2009-02-17T13:21:00.000-08:00

This week has been back on track (I can say this because it is now Tuesday and not Monday) except for my narcolepsy :[ I need to get that under control. But how can you resist dark, warm, comfy cubicles? aka my dormroom of a cave. And during the day is the only time my roommate is asleep as well (she is nocturnal-we are different) It is a difficult situation.

But I am sick of half day/nap/long night/half night.

My body is confuzzeedd.

valentimes

2009-02-03T11:09:00.000-08:00

I love valentines day. It is warm emotionally and aesthetically!
Interestingly enough, this day can make you love your life or hate it. There really is not any perpendicular intersection with this one.

I have had "love my life" days on a couple Feb. 14s as well "hate my life" on just about the same. Right now I am even. And even at 50/50 I feel pretty damn lucky.

On that note, for all the UNlucky, I think this day is too exclusive. On christmas you don't necessairly hate your life just because you got practical gifts or gift cards or a card from your grandma. BUT on valentines day a card from your grandma is basically airmail anthrax.

Valentine's Day should be broadened to include acknowledging and appreciating all love, not just romantically. Friend love, pet love, family love, favorite food love, hobby love etc. etc.

I love valentines day. And so should you. Even if it doesn't end with a blowjob at the end of the night, the warmth should still be spread like a highly contagious rash.

P.S. i love everything about valentines day except for those grosssssss conversation hearts. They taste like chalk! blehgh!

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P.S.S. Except those conversation hearts are so damn cute!!!

been thinking about...

2009-02-01T14:29:00.000-08:00

I like learning a hell of a lot more than teaching.

Can I just learn for the rest of my life?

is that okay?

marathon

2009-01-31T08:52:00.001-08:00

I decided I want to run a marathon. I mean it. Like a serious one, at least 10 miles.

goal?

10 miles.

Correction

2009-01-27T17:43:00.000-08:00

It has come to my attention that I may have been to harsh or narrow-minded when judging my fellow man species.

*MOST can only communicate such complex emotions (arousal) accurately.

most but not all..that small percent is lucky. Lucky and appreciated :D

The Reader

2009-01-23T12:56:00.001-08:00

I havent seen the movie and I have received mixed reviews. I did, however, read the novel and while I was intrigued, I was not captivated. I wouldnt suggest it to people who are not a fan of reading in general. Its by no means has the sucking/mind washing powers over the masses ( see Twilight). I did enjoy it and overall appreciate the novel for being unique and poignantly introspective on the male characters point of view. Generally speaking I tend to feel that the male species lacks the ability to analyze and express any emotion besides...arousal.

Bernhard Schlink captures himself perfectly at age 15 to 25 and finally 45. It is his revelations at each age that create the novel relatable, humanistic and overall profound. In a nutshell it's a story about discovery. Discovery of oneself, one's life and one's love.

A tragic ending but ultimately hopeful.

Some excerpts I particularly liked :D

"It wasnt that I forgot Hanna. But at a certain point the memory of her stopped accompanying me wherever I went. She stayed behind, the way a city stays behind as a train pulls out of the station. It's there, somewhere behind you, and you could go back and make sure of it. But why should I?"

"You could see the resistance Hanna had had to overcome to make the lines into letters and the letters into words. A child's hand will wander off this way and that, and has to be kept on track. Hanna's hand didnt want to go anywhere and had to be forced. The lines that formed the letters started again each time on the upstroke, the downstroke, and before the curves and loops. and each letter was a victory over a fresh struggle, and had a new slant or slope, and often the wrong height or width........

I looked at the Hanna's handwriting and saw how much energy and struggle the writing had cost her. I was proud of her. At the same time, I was sorry for her, sorry for her delayed and failed life, sorry for the delays and failures of line in general."

"The tectonic layers of our lives rest so tightly one on top of the other that we always come up against earlier events in later ones, not as matter that has been fully formed and pushed aside, but absolutely present and alive."

ready

2009-01-17T16:22:00.000-08:00

ready to get out of here.

frrrrlzz

somethings amiss!

2009-01-16T16:01:00.000-08:00

A psychic zen master named Cau Chin told me I need to be patient, stop worrying and control my emotions.
Funny thing is I dont think I really needed him to tell me that. I knew I knew that deep down. I knew I knew I would have to consult myself on some exploration to discover my own inner peace. And I knew I would have to confront these traits of impatience, anxiety and insanity one day. But I didnt know it would have to be all three.

But I do think when you want something bad enough you must confront your biggest threats, enemies and obstacles; which are 99% of time caused and created by yourself.

You want someone a world away, you wait for them. If you cannot wait then you do not want them enough. Patience is a virtue because in the end benefits will be reaped. But the journey must be respected and productive instead of fretted over and slowly torn to tatters by one's own mind.

Anxiety roots from some form of insecurity whether it be about the safety of drivers on the road, your lovers loyalty or the happenings of the future. One may be insecure about their own driving, own loyalty or own present actions that will create concern about other situations. So the squash insecurity the journey to become secure in ones ability, honesty and self is necessary. I cant sit and quickly blog the answer this one mainly because I havent the slightest clue. Though I do think trust is involved in there somewhere. Trust yourself, your neighbors, your loved ones. I whole heartedly believe there are many evil people in this world but I also believe there are more good.

and finally controlling ones emotion. They are usually the driving force for so much that propels one life. irrational emotions may lead you astray and somewhere you really wish not to be. It is kind of like when people say you tell the truth when you are drunk. Yes, you lose your inhibition but your emotions, your logical thinking is magnified and exaggerated times a million, thats why you cant drive or listen to Lucinda Williams. Believe me they allow truthful people to drive, truthful sane. So if your emotions are fucked with then so are you, completely. (ladies once a month we can attest to this) Rationality is also not a solution found in fortune cookie form but I believe an evolved trait that takes screwing up quite a bit to master. The secret is to evaluate yourself, the situation, the players and the actions after you had said screw up. wonder why, process the happenings of the events and ask yourself why did this occur and could it have been differently? most of the time you will find "why yes it could! in a much better way!" But after the evaluation you will have to put those handy analytical skills to work and try to squeeze them even when your brother said your ass is getting bigger.

beaut

2009-01-13T23:09:00.000-08:00

Beauty is so difficult to truly define.
It is such a sensory and emotive word, it's creation is hard to pin point.

Like love, indescribable as to why it occurs. Is it truly body chemistry? Instincts that have been bestowed upon us for natural selection? Fate? Can it be found by an equation? Is it friendship? Is it respect?

I really don't know.

But I do know it is beautiful.

The end.

:D

retrograde

2009-01-11T16:34:00.000-08:00

I learned in astronomy that as the planets orbit the sun in a elliptical formation, the planets may be seem to be orbiting backwards. This phenomena is called retrograde motion. The way it works is it's kind of like a track where runners race on. They begin staggered and end staggered as well, because we all know the inside "track" is the essentially the shortest. Therefore the only way for the racers to race equivalent distances is to begin staggered and what not.

It's all about the curve, as the inside racer appears to be going faster when they take the curve and the outside runner appears to be going slower or at direct line of sight almost traveling backwards. This is a difficult idea to grasp but it happens with the planets all the time, actually any time one planet passes another. Planets appear to be going backwards because of the differing orbital speeds and periods.

I feel like jupiter; big, fat, slow one. That is always passed up by the quick speedy venus or mercury. And when they pass me I feel myself also traveling backwards. But I need to keep reminding myself, this "step back" only appears that way. Sure it may take me longer than most to muster up the gutso to pull it full throttle, but I am pacing it. Persevering.

baby steps

2009-01-04T15:39:00.000-08:00

I am beginning think the associated press sent out a mass email to every January 2009 issue of anything demanding they run an article on new years resolutions...and how they do not and will not work IF you are an over achieving dream big pretentious twat.

WHICH I am not and and of course no one else is (or anyone will admit to it) thus the only way to fulfill our resolution aspirations is to take them slow- baby steps. Baby steps is apparently the answer to weight loss, dressing more stylish, organization, success at work and in the bed! cited Glamour, Women's Health and People.

First, one must spot goal i.e. lose 50 lbs and realize they are having the"over achieving dream big pretentious twat" mindset again... and let it go. Instead a new year resolution should be so goddamn ape simple even the laziest, least willing soul out there can complete "working out 1 minute a day." I take shits longer than that. and though slowly and almost stupidly you are on your way to losing 50 lbs!

Thus (its nuts) the simplicity of baby steps is the true secret to its success. It allows you instant self gratification, does not cause too much sacrifice and face it! you are accomplishing- something!

Funny how ironic magazine self-help articles coincide with my prediction of 2009- a year chalkful of babysteps. I feel it is going to be a year of trying to rearrange, readjust and reorganize the american peoples mistakes, money and mindsets.

The KKK has got to get over Obama/blackie numero uno reigning over them. Plumber Joe got to say wassup to increased taxes and the Bush family have to eventually acknowledge how much they fucked up over peas and carrots. Either way it's going to be slow, it's going to be painful but someway somehow change will prevail. MAYBE not in 2009, but we are on our way.
------------------------------------------

We are on our way--cue optimistic mindset.

My mother has placed me in charge as "head supervisor" of the packing and "purging" of my post fourth grade to present home. Slowly boxes are replacing where my treasured books lied and all the bubble wrap has engulfed tiny glass trinkets that I have cherished so much. More importantly are the objects I have decided not to keep, the ones the that are left out of the boxes and bubble wrap. They are placed either to give away, trash or to be recycled by giant compound or another family. Wherever they may be going really does not matter, these objects did not make the cut, they are termed "invaluable" to me.

I always saw myself as a pack rat, from keeping crayon scrap papers to bottle caps and stashing it away in the hobby lobby aisle in my bedroom. Convincing myself this will one day come in handy for potential project. And in many cases it has, but as my nomadic lifestyle begins bottle caps and scraps of paper really do not matter.

Or old notes, post cards, small souvenirs sooner or later they all don't matter. I would not say I am being cynical in my rampant cleansing of my home but instead maturing.

I have always kept everything, cherished every object, loved every little note or fortune cookie insert but... holding onto so much of the past, surrounding myself in PAST happy memories is not fair to the future.

I have come to terms with my immense fear of the future and change overall. I recall myself a year ago so daunted by the idea of college I tried to push it to a very deep dungeon in the back of my mind. (I didn't take the SATs until October of my graduating year) Though its a known fact that man resists change like every other force in the universe (see Newton) I am beginning to realize it really is not so bad. It is almost exciting to embrace such force, let it take you wherever it wishes and for once do exactly what you want at the exact moment. Impulse is best friends with change and I seem to be warming up to those bitches.

It has taken me three trips to (all different locations) of half price books to part with my personal library. I have completed each one of these novels at least once if not twice or so and yes everytime I have reopened them it gave me joy. But it is not as if I have forgotten the story. Knowing the dramatic twist that you didnt see coming until the very end does not make the journey as fresh as it was the first time.

I am slowly realizing that letting go of the past is not forgetting or pushing away beloved memories but instead making room for new ones be it in my heart, head or a new home.

I do not need objects upon objects to remind me of what is important in my life or who. Or to remind who is no longer in my life what aspect of myself have I grown out of (i.e. cartoon shoelaces and gummy bracelets) I have myself for that. Packing up and purging is more or less a physical act for a mental preparation for the new and exciting times of my future.

I guess I am growing up, no longer terrified of the future but ready to take a bigger bite out of it.
Slowly though.

Baby steps.

p.s. I cant wait 2009.

upside down

2008-12-12T01:09:00.000-08:00

I feel like my whole world is starting to turn upside down. The more carefree about my life the more "catastrophic" it becomes! But I am still not stressing. I dont know why...I think I am having a neural disconnection somewhere.

TONIGHT
I was 'attempted' robbed. aka a man outta nowhere ran past me in "del somethiFRITKOsomething" and tried to swipe my purse! It was a nice purse I will give it that, but no middle american man could tell the difference, so I really felt like he just picked me because mine was easily accessible. which was totallllly stupid on my part. BUT I am in my pajamas, glasses with andrea at 1 am in the morning down westheimer and he chose me to rob. or he picked me because I looked like a total wet blanket.

EITHERWAY

I heard him before I saw him and my reactions were not even that quick because i could barely comprehend what happened, but when I realize what had just got down I somewhat bolted.

According to dre, I said "omg." and got up and ran!
I followed him out of the restaurant to his car where 2 of his other friends were in.

He closed the door, I opened it and he tried to move his car but i was standing outside the driver seat, demanding my purse back. I spotted it in the hands of the passenger and grabbed it. There was a struggle while he was trying to drive off. By this time dre and the restaurant manager came outside and we collected quite a crowd.

The manager didnt do anything but bang on the passenger window while I fought the guy in the driver seat.

He was drunk, like that slow blitzed drunk and I was pissed. More pissed about the principle than the fact he had my purse and possibly like my $50 in my wallet. I was actually worried ab my momzz and how much she'd freak if I got robbed. ANDD I didnt want to go to through the trouble of getting a new license and canceling my debit card.

Even when my heart is racing and andrenaline pumping I was being rational? OR MAYBE I WAS BEING SO IRRATIONAL because I chased/fought against man and car.

The reality is he could have definitely killed/hurt/kidnapped me in some way shape or form but I just really didnt care. I believe that thought of him running me over went through my head as well but I got over it.

Somehow/way I got my purse back and he drove off in a hurry, dre almost got his license but she forgot it. understandable we were both pretty shaken up.

The meal was free but that was the extent of what he restaurant was willing to do. the police wasnt called and the 'bad guy' did inevitably got away. But he didnt get what he wanted and I wasnt hurt. Except for the massive bruise on my thigh from the side of his car that kept hitting me.

I almost died but I dont necessarily feel that way. I think I somewhat lost my mind for going after him and actually fighting him.

people are so fucked up and need to stop being mean to eachother.
My trust in humanity is failing.
and I need to get some mace.

long night.

poopoo

2008-12-11T15:22:00.000-08:00

dr appt results= they thought my ankle was broken/fractured........but it wasnt......but i have to wear this bogus brace for like...ever..which translates toooooooo 6 weeks.

I have never been happier, carefree and calm. Finals came and gone and I didnt die, I didnt even cry. I am hoping for the best but prepared for the worst.

I feel like I am finally starting to fall back in love again with life, but it pulled a fast one on me.

again,
hope for the best
prepared for the worst

it snowed in austin..then houston. I drove home at 9pm last night, it was pitch black and freezing, snow flakes on my window and interpol in my stereo. it was serenely peaceful and subdued, I felt like the only person alive until I saw some other cars. But for just a second, it was like I was the only force in the world, slowly propelling home. In an universe soooo gigantic (34957438975573 AU atleast) its nice to have some delusional locality and selfishness.

--------------------
I am back home, its nice, I am just taking it easy and hanging with my pup.
I hate to say it but I am sure this break will be super hectic;
I got to move out/pack up my room by jan. my mom said she wants it on the market by then.
create my DT portfolio
I have two books I need to read, and I want to read Finnegan's Wake
el paso
jills wedding
escape
finish prison break
finish mad men
christmasssssss

I suppose I should still get one :[ hm.

I really want Spoon's cds mmmm christmass listtt

it's really beautiful outside and inside my house, its completely empty and dusk-y, part of me wants to sleep and the other parts wants to lay

I miss my elephant humphrey, hes being fed ex somewhere :[

all in all,
I am happy.
I am not sure why, I almost feel like I shouldnt be.

But I cant help it.

antzz

2008-12-05T00:49:00.001-08:00

in my pantzzz

I am going nutss, I really want to run or trot or skip or jump OR SOMETHING. but my ankle is still damaged :[, dr. appt tomorrow, prayers?

---

2008-12-04T20:32:00.001-08:00

I decided tonight, I am staying alive.

straight up

2008-12-04T01:48:00.000-08:00

Now won't you run and tell your boyfriend
Tell him don't hold his breath for me
I've got some money I was saving
Got some hearts that I'll be breaking
Know someday they'll make a martyr out of me
I know someday they'll make a martyr out of me

She's so fine

And I like sometimes to wave it high
Up where everyone can see
I'm a lady
Got my mind made up
Got my mind made up

I know I spend magic reel it out
Try to hold a light to me
I'm a lady
Got my mind made up
Got my mind made up

I like to watch the way the wind blows
What does it know that I don't yet
Ooh, oh, look so pretty now
You're just so sweet
Let's see how far you can get
See just how far you can get

She's so fine

adult

2008-12-03T00:21:00.000-08:00

I think the idea of 'hope' can really draw that line between 'mature' and 'immature'--'experienced' and 'inexperienced'--'bruised' and 'fresh'.

it's stupid really. ideals that is. "seeing" the world, creating some ridiculous philosophy in your own little head based on the really insignificant happenings of your life, just does not seem like a good idea.

maybe this is where Nietzsche got his start, going insane because of caring and analyzing.

good thing i dont give a fuck.

praise existentialism.

I dont care about all the uselessness,
you can't dispel your worthlessness,
and in a century or so,
you'll be the same name I forgot to know.

breaking news

2008-12-01T18:03:00.001-08:00

stock market "nose dives," bummer.

terrorist attacks in Mumbai, India last week; killer, no pun intended.

finals this week and my sets are still incomplete, double whammy.

World is going to shit, can Mr. Obama really save us?

good news, glaciers on Mars and possibly frozen ocean on Jupiter! I guess we could always just start over?

lack of luster

2008-11-30T20:19:00.000-08:00

loss of motivation and will. All the color seems to have seeped out. Maybe the cold front scared it into hiding? Either way it leaves me restless and dissatisfied with music, food, choices, ideas, stress and actions.

Only this seemed to be appeasing:

Blank page is all the rage
Never meant to say anything
In bed I was half dead
Tired of dreaming of rest
Got dressed drove the state line
Looking for you at the five and dime
Stop sign told me stay at home
Told me you were not alone
Blank page was all the rage
Never meant to hurt anyone
In bed I was half dead
Tired of dreaming of rest
You haven't changed
You're still the same
May you rise as you fall
You were easy you are forgotten
You are the ways of my mistakes
I catch the rainfall
Through the leaking roof
That you had left behind
You remind me
Of that leak in my soul
The rain falls
My friends call
Leaking rain on the phone

Take a day plant some trees
May they shade you from me
May your children play beneath

Blank page was all the rage
Never meant to say anything
In bed I was half dead
Tired of dreaming of rest
Got dressed drove the state line
Looking for you at the five and dime
But there I was picking pieces up
You are a ghost
Of my indecision
No more little girl

Thats it.

cute

2008-11-29T11:11:00.000-08:00

I thought this was a really cute line from the Elephant Man.

Treves: So I thought an actress could help. I mean, unlike most women, you wont give in, you are trained to hide your true feelings and assume others.

Mrs. Kendal: You mean unlike most women I am famous for it, that is really.

cute right?

Turkey

2008-11-27T06:53:00.000-08:00

Holidays always make me feel nostalgic.

I am in an old school rilo kiley mood right now.

Or maybe just being home makes me feel nostalgic?

As gradual as it came, I have definitely changed, good or bad, not sure yet. But the change started slow, creeped up on me and took me by surprise, and transformed me in a matter of minutes. maybe it was 3 minutes, I think that would be all that it takes. Almost like someone who has been dangling a key in front of my face for months finally gave in and *chick chock* opened my cage. As easy as that, completely painless and almost comical. It left me stunned and feeble, unsure of what to do with myself next. I imagined runnning through fields naked, but opted to sit quietly and reflect.

I am happier than ever. Lighter than ever. I think I lost my whole mysterious hermit vibe, which I dig and I just truly love doing my own thing.

I think it is a journey to truly find peace with yourself, accept yourself and actually love yourself.

my best friend said last night "I love myself, I fuck myself, I feed myself"

As ridiculous as this was chanting it in the middle of Toro, it really is kind of insightful.

I love myself= the ultimate achievement
I fuck myself= I appreciate and pleasure myself, I stroke my id, ego and super ego
I feed myself= I reward myself because I deserve myself and ensure my content and survival

either way I think #3 is everyones goal today.

Happy Thanksgiving, and make sure you feed yourself, everyone deserves it.

rock bottom

2008-11-25T19:34:00.001-08:00

So my mom just set me on a date..

a blind date..

from a guy who lives in my neighborhood...

VIA his dad...

Have I hit rock bottom yet? Or am I just surpassing the S Waves interior and the core is approaching?

Oh wait, his name is Sven.

I think we just arrived.

Funny though, I rarely speak to my mother about my love life or lack of..sort of..either way this woman should be considerably ignorant of this subject. I dont think I even talk to my roommate about my love life/lack of..sort of... its all a big secret!
Which I love, I love secrets, everyone does.

THE BEST PART IS she told me through email and titled it "I hope you arent mad..but..." great mom.

Back to the point, what is my moms doing?! Especially since it was set up through parents, me and "sven" are both going to be awkwardly urged and insisted upon due to "politeness" from our parents to go through with a meeting/date. I can already imagine the horrible awkwardness now.

me: ......
I have hit rock bottom
Edgar: its not too bad.
at the very least we know it can't get much worst.

Optimistic outlook from Edgar...most definitely rock bottom.

2 weeks

2008-11-23T13:49:00.001-08:00

2 weeks until

..big ass projects due
..winter break
..moving back home for a month
..getting a job
..super stokednessss

BUT there are still two more weeks until all of this greatness...meaning 14 days full of studying, project creating and perfecting and researching.

These two weeks are going to blow-major, but will be worth it in the end.

I love finals. and breaks spent in libraries :[

temperature drops

2008-11-20T16:49:00.000-08:00

It is getting colder in Austin. I usually despite the cold for every possible reason EXCEPT cute outerwear and having an excuse to snuggle nonstoppp ;]

Too bad the latter isnt very likely hopefully cute outwear is! I have become pretty obsessed with jackets and boots lately, and I just dont know whyy.

Here are some of the jackets I have been eyeing.

Chocolate

Hazelnut

Licorice

Blueberry

smoked

mmmm some of the sizing is all crazed like, but girls if you are looking for jackets? hmm? or browse the sites and see what you can see, lets make the world a more beautiful place with cute outerwear

delta

2008-11-19T00:15:00.000-08:00

I wish I had a triangle symbol letter key. But I dont, or Mac doesn't, Mac should get on that.

Delta.
I wonder if it really does happen, do people just wake up changed? Is it a slow process that is followed by a haste realization? or perhaps the other way around?

Either way, there is an absence and can I blame it on change? Or am I just being pretentious?

I remember being so curious about life, wanting to absorb every useless, fascinating ounce. I would describe myself as "insatiable" just because I always wanted more. There was always more- and I wanted it. But now I still see me as "insatiable" but its different now. Now, it's because nothing is good enough. Nothing is enough. My apathy is just causing me to reject everything instead of a receive. I went from a bingeing black hole to a emaciated anorexic.

I just don't seem to want anything, not anymore. But I can't even decide what it is I DO want, so if I cross how will I know to grab it?

caught me as I walking out the door

2008-11-13T15:34:00.000-08:00

"Lets Get Lost"

I've been outside
Invited in
But I couldn't abide
Wouldn't miss it again
Burning every bridge that I cross
To find some beautiful place to get lost
I had true love
I made it die
I pushed her away
She said please stay
Burning every bridge that I cross
To find some beautiful place to get lost
To find some beautiful place to get lost
Well I don't know where I'll go now
And I don't really care who follows me there
But I'll burn every bridge that I cross
And find some beautiful place to get lost
And find some beautiful place to get lost

thought provoking. yes?

So I suck...

2008-11-13T01:08:00.000-08:00

at blogging. obviously.

BUT I figured I could just make it up with bombarb blogs whenever I should be doing annotated bibliographies?

sounds good? gud.

Here's a few photoghs from the past few dayzz...

walking to class 8am. typical UT.

wtf scientology?!

sick and cruel.

I wonder why the protestors are masked..I wonder what religion they are actually.

looking rather owl-y there mr. tower. *creeps*

Have you seen her?

theee funniest/cutest omgz

2008-11-12T23:31:00.000-08:00

Anyone who wants a stupid cute little laugh pleaseee watch this. Anyone who knows me knows I am not much of a "youtube-er" but this just tugged my heart stringss.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xoKbDNY0Zwg

GUD news/ bad NEWz

2008-11-12T23:11:00.000-08:00

GUD news first bc its just better to focus on the gud in life.

"Charades" was accepted into the Zero Film Fest in L.A. and plans to show Dec. 1st-6th

I play "hott girl" #1 so I am like suppperrr stokedd!

psyche I play "Meg" who is equally worthy of stoked-ness. Congrats to Emmett Kurrrr-perkinson. Fingers crossed it does well?

super "indie/seedy" film venue *eeep!!*

website for the techies>>> www.zerofilmfest.com

and now bad news...

I got my first email...I knew the day would come...

Karen Grum**** emailed my managing editor to point out my flaws in reporting one of my most recent articles.

I was bummed. but it was my fault for being sloppy, making mistakes and just not knowing israeli culture. Which I might add learned a lot from a 2 hour seminar about "A Boy and A Pigeon"

A book by Meir Shalev and I actually want to read it..at some point in my life.

BUT REALLY when we are talking about war and pigeons being flown around and someone says "Palmach" in a heavy accent, recorded on a crappy recorder, being written quite rushed and fast forwarding through the 2 hr recording, things get a little musheddd. So I wrote "Parliament"...no dice. no dice at all.

OH and the Six-Day War is not the Israeli Jewish War, so don't make that mistake! btw the Six-Day War is also called June War and the Arab-Israeli War.

:[ so I sent an apologetic email, all pathetic like, mainly because I was so embarrassed. But everyone reassured me everyone gets "one"....(which could be a lie to make me feel better)...it kind of did, but STILL.

I know needing to update

2008-11-06T16:59:00.000-08:00

but quite busy-bee

good news...good updates soon.

soon.

after astronomy!

6:29am

2008-11-05T04:27:00.001-08:00

In an hour it will be 24 hours straight without sleep.

23 hrs 3 mins.

heart beating so quickly- feels like its about to burst.

23 hrs 10 mins.

some boy waved to me who I cannot recognize due to delerium.

22 hrs.

getting lost in my dorm trying to find my books.

21 hrs. 30 mins.

getting cut from the Texan on Election Night. damn.

latest UPdate: RIGHT NOW-as in yesterday

2008-11-04T20:21:00.001-08:00

Dear College,

I know I stood you up for a couple of days last week but do you really have to butt sex me for it?

Mercy,

Lindsey

close up of the living area/sleeping area=desk

geez not even unpacked yet

UPdate pt 2: moderate (france)

2008-11-04T19:58:00.001-08:00

Last week-ish Oct.28th through Nov. 1st I spent my first Halloween in Paris. More like my first breath in a country across the Atlantic. I got a passport stamp and everything!

After being quite a "world traveller" ;] I can now dispell some horrid stereotypes of the frenchies (they like being called that)

1. frenchies smell-- true-ish

some do smell, there is not a certain class, age or social group that smells, its just a slight stink every now and then? It is not over bearing or anything, it almost adds excitement to each new room you enter. "Will it stank?!"

2. frenchies are mean-- again true-ish

It could be the French "snobbery," the almost rightful superiority they feel over Americans that could be reason to this stereotype. When it does make sense. The entire people (city) are surrounded in art, history, fashion and knowledge, and Americans well kind of just picking their belly button lint. I imagine tourists would be kind of annoying, almost obnoxious bombarding a country, complaining about how expensive it is and actually having the nerve of getting pissed when they can't understand the frenchies' english.

Frenchies are NOT mean when your putting down 700E for dinner though, they are actually quite charming.

3. French women don't shave-- N/A

I didn't encounter any of this, but then again I really didn't look.

4. Frenchies are lushes-- true

wine with prac. every meal? mmm. good habit, embrace it America.

5. city of love-- false

city of prostitution. high class.

6. euro cars are lame--false

more like bad ass death traps, frenchies drive so crazy in these mini speed demon-ichles I don't know how I survived. They rarely honk either, pedestrians beware.

7. fish and chips are...?---false

nottt fish or chipss (lays, pringles etc.) but duh everyone knew that. Even better fish and chips are pretty delicious, and they serve them at their local fast food restaraunts, which are difficult to find. EVEN BETTER than that you get tomato soup as a side! whatt? also option of muffins and fruit! the frenchies always do it up.

8. do they really eat croissants?--true

like breakfast everyday, total staple. totally tasty staple. if there was a staple that was croissant flavored I would puncture it into my tongue permanately. OH but french croissants dont really look like american croissants, they look more like blown up bready radishes instead a fluffy moons.

9. frenchies dont work--true

they dont. they prostitute.

10. they smoke in berets, jail-striped shirts and red stilletos.--true

only when they prostitute.

Either way France is so ridiculously great. It makes American more than lame in comparison, almost embarrassing.

BUT heres some visual pics to enjoy :]

^ view from the Eiffel Tower, the half way mark; a little foggy- still dope.

ya know quintessential Paris

river and pretty bridge

the louvre; early morning-ish, look at all the frenchies and non-frenchies!

please note the red sign; not the passengers.

UPdate on life pt 1; starting backwards

2008-11-04T19:50:00.001-08:00

Starting in chronological order; recent events:

Zombie Party Happy Birthday Jenna

Overall success

Blood, Babes and Booze?

oh and ex Boyfriends= kind of a success, either way its in the past and I can always escape back to Austin. What is important here? There were sick costumes and alcohol, and Jenna is one year older and still super hot ;]

this-

2008-11-04T16:29:00.001-08:00

is the first blog ever.