I decided I want to run a marathon. I mean it. Like a serious one, at least 10 miles.
goal?
10 miles.
Saturday, January 31, 2009
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Correction
It has come to my attention that I may have been to harsh or narrow-minded when judging my fellow man species.
*MOST can only communicate such complex emotions (arousal) accurately.
most but not all..that small percent is lucky. Lucky and appreciated :D
*MOST can only communicate such complex emotions (arousal) accurately.
most but not all..that small percent is lucky. Lucky and appreciated :D
Friday, January 23, 2009
The Reader
I havent seen the movie and I have received mixed reviews. I did, however, read the novel and while I was intrigued, I was not captivated. I wouldnt suggest it to people who are not a fan of reading in general. Its by no means has the sucking/mind washing powers over the masses ( see Twilight). I did enjoy it and overall appreciate the novel for being unique and poignantly introspective on the male characters point of view. Generally speaking I tend to feel that the male species lacks the ability to analyze and express any emotion besides...arousal.
Bernhard Schlink captures himself perfectly at age 15 to 25 and finally 45. It is his revelations at each age that create the novel relatable, humanistic and overall profound. In a nutshell it's a story about discovery. Discovery of oneself, one's life and one's love.
A tragic ending but ultimately hopeful.
Some excerpts I particularly liked :D
"It wasnt that I forgot Hanna. But at a certain point the memory of her stopped accompanying me wherever I went. She stayed behind, the way a city stays behind as a train pulls out of the station. It's there, somewhere behind you, and you could go back and make sure of it. But why should I?"
"You could see the resistance Hanna had had to overcome to make the lines into letters and the letters into words. A child's hand will wander off this way and that, and has to be kept on track. Hanna's hand didnt want to go anywhere and had to be forced. The lines that formed the letters started again each time on the upstroke, the downstroke, and before the curves and loops. and each letter was a victory over a fresh struggle, and had a new slant or slope, and often the wrong height or width........
I looked at the Hanna's handwriting and saw how much energy and struggle the writing had cost her. I was proud of her. At the same time, I was sorry for her, sorry for her delayed and failed life, sorry for the delays and failures of line in general."
"The tectonic layers of our lives rest so tightly one on top of the other that we always come up against earlier events in later ones, not as matter that has been fully formed and pushed aside, but absolutely present and alive."
Bernhard Schlink captures himself perfectly at age 15 to 25 and finally 45. It is his revelations at each age that create the novel relatable, humanistic and overall profound. In a nutshell it's a story about discovery. Discovery of oneself, one's life and one's love.
A tragic ending but ultimately hopeful.
Some excerpts I particularly liked :D
"It wasnt that I forgot Hanna. But at a certain point the memory of her stopped accompanying me wherever I went. She stayed behind, the way a city stays behind as a train pulls out of the station. It's there, somewhere behind you, and you could go back and make sure of it. But why should I?"
"You could see the resistance Hanna had had to overcome to make the lines into letters and the letters into words. A child's hand will wander off this way and that, and has to be kept on track. Hanna's hand didnt want to go anywhere and had to be forced. The lines that formed the letters started again each time on the upstroke, the downstroke, and before the curves and loops. and each letter was a victory over a fresh struggle, and had a new slant or slope, and often the wrong height or width........
I looked at the Hanna's handwriting and saw how much energy and struggle the writing had cost her. I was proud of her. At the same time, I was sorry for her, sorry for her delayed and failed life, sorry for the delays and failures of line in general."
"The tectonic layers of our lives rest so tightly one on top of the other that we always come up against earlier events in later ones, not as matter that has been fully formed and pushed aside, but absolutely present and alive."
Saturday, January 17, 2009
Friday, January 16, 2009
somethings amiss!
A psychic zen master named Cau Chin told me I need to be patient, stop worrying and control my emotions.
Funny thing is I dont think I really needed him to tell me that. I knew I knew that deep down. I knew I knew I would have to consult myself on some exploration to discover my own inner peace. And I knew I would have to confront these traits of impatience, anxiety and insanity one day. But I didnt know it would have to be all three.
But I do think when you want something bad enough you must confront your biggest threats, enemies and obstacles; which are 99% of time caused and created by yourself.
You want someone a world away, you wait for them. If you cannot wait then you do not want them enough. Patience is a virtue because in the end benefits will be reaped. But the journey must be respected and productive instead of fretted over and slowly torn to tatters by one's own mind.
Anxiety roots from some form of insecurity whether it be about the safety of drivers on the road, your lovers loyalty or the happenings of the future. One may be insecure about their own driving, own loyalty or own present actions that will create concern about other situations. So the squash insecurity the journey to become secure in ones ability, honesty and self is necessary. I cant sit and quickly blog the answer this one mainly because I havent the slightest clue. Though I do think trust is involved in there somewhere. Trust yourself, your neighbors, your loved ones. I whole heartedly believe there are many evil people in this world but I also believe there are more good.
and finally controlling ones emotion. They are usually the driving force for so much that propels one life. irrational emotions may lead you astray and somewhere you really wish not to be. It is kind of like when people say you tell the truth when you are drunk. Yes, you lose your inhibition but your emotions, your logical thinking is magnified and exaggerated times a million, thats why you cant drive or listen to Lucinda Williams. Believe me they allow truthful people to drive, truthful sane. So if your emotions are fucked with then so are you, completely. (ladies once a month we can attest to this) Rationality is also not a solution found in fortune cookie form but I believe an evolved trait that takes screwing up quite a bit to master. The secret is to evaluate yourself, the situation, the players and the actions after you had said screw up. wonder why, process the happenings of the events and ask yourself why did this occur and could it have been differently? most of the time you will find "why yes it could! in a much better way!" But after the evaluation you will have to put those handy analytical skills to work and try to squeeze them even when your brother said your ass is getting bigger.
Funny thing is I dont think I really needed him to tell me that. I knew I knew that deep down. I knew I knew I would have to consult myself on some exploration to discover my own inner peace. And I knew I would have to confront these traits of impatience, anxiety and insanity one day. But I didnt know it would have to be all three.
But I do think when you want something bad enough you must confront your biggest threats, enemies and obstacles; which are 99% of time caused and created by yourself.
You want someone a world away, you wait for them. If you cannot wait then you do not want them enough. Patience is a virtue because in the end benefits will be reaped. But the journey must be respected and productive instead of fretted over and slowly torn to tatters by one's own mind.
Anxiety roots from some form of insecurity whether it be about the safety of drivers on the road, your lovers loyalty or the happenings of the future. One may be insecure about their own driving, own loyalty or own present actions that will create concern about other situations. So the squash insecurity the journey to become secure in ones ability, honesty and self is necessary. I cant sit and quickly blog the answer this one mainly because I havent the slightest clue. Though I do think trust is involved in there somewhere. Trust yourself, your neighbors, your loved ones. I whole heartedly believe there are many evil people in this world but I also believe there are more good.
and finally controlling ones emotion. They are usually the driving force for so much that propels one life. irrational emotions may lead you astray and somewhere you really wish not to be. It is kind of like when people say you tell the truth when you are drunk. Yes, you lose your inhibition but your emotions, your logical thinking is magnified and exaggerated times a million, thats why you cant drive or listen to Lucinda Williams. Believe me they allow truthful people to drive, truthful sane. So if your emotions are fucked with then so are you, completely. (ladies once a month we can attest to this) Rationality is also not a solution found in fortune cookie form but I believe an evolved trait that takes screwing up quite a bit to master. The secret is to evaluate yourself, the situation, the players and the actions after you had said screw up. wonder why, process the happenings of the events and ask yourself why did this occur and could it have been differently? most of the time you will find "why yes it could! in a much better way!" But after the evaluation you will have to put those handy analytical skills to work and try to squeeze them even when your brother said your ass is getting bigger.
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
beaut
Beauty is so difficult to truly define.
It is such a sensory and emotive word, it's creation is hard to pin point.
Like love, indescribable as to why it occurs. Is it truly body chemistry? Instincts that have been bestowed upon us for natural selection? Fate? Can it be found by an equation? Is it friendship? Is it respect?
I really don't know.
But I do know it is beautiful.
The end.
:D
It is such a sensory and emotive word, it's creation is hard to pin point.
Like love, indescribable as to why it occurs. Is it truly body chemistry? Instincts that have been bestowed upon us for natural selection? Fate? Can it be found by an equation? Is it friendship? Is it respect?
I really don't know.
But I do know it is beautiful.
The end.
:D
Sunday, January 11, 2009
retrograde
I learned in astronomy that as the planets orbit the sun in a elliptical formation, the planets may be seem to be orbiting backwards. This phenomena is called retrograde motion. The way it works is it's kind of like a track where runners race on. They begin staggered and end staggered as well, because we all know the inside "track" is the essentially the shortest. Therefore the only way for the racers to race equivalent distances is to begin staggered and what not.
It's all about the curve, as the inside racer appears to be going faster when they take the curve and the outside runner appears to be going slower or at direct line of sight almost traveling backwards. This is a difficult idea to grasp but it happens with the planets all the time, actually any time one planet passes another. Planets appear to be going backwards because of the differing orbital speeds and periods.
I feel like jupiter; big, fat, slow one. That is always passed up by the quick speedy venus or mercury. And when they pass me I feel myself also traveling backwards. But I need to keep reminding myself, this "step back" only appears that way. Sure it may take me longer than most to muster up the gutso to pull it full throttle, but I am pacing it. Persevering.
It's all about the curve, as the inside racer appears to be going faster when they take the curve and the outside runner appears to be going slower or at direct line of sight almost traveling backwards. This is a difficult idea to grasp but it happens with the planets all the time, actually any time one planet passes another. Planets appear to be going backwards because of the differing orbital speeds and periods.
I feel like jupiter; big, fat, slow one. That is always passed up by the quick speedy venus or mercury. And when they pass me I feel myself also traveling backwards. But I need to keep reminding myself, this "step back" only appears that way. Sure it may take me longer than most to muster up the gutso to pull it full throttle, but I am pacing it. Persevering.
Sunday, January 4, 2009
baby steps
I am beginning think the associated press sent out a mass email to every January 2009 issue of anything demanding they run an article on new years resolutions...and how they do not and will not work IF you are an over achieving dream big pretentious twat.
WHICH I am not and and of course no one else is (or anyone will admit to it) thus the only way to fulfill our resolution aspirations is to take them slow- baby steps. Baby steps is apparently the answer to weight loss, dressing more stylish, organization, success at work and in the bed! cited Glamour, Women's Health and People.
First, one must spot goal i.e. lose 50 lbs and realize they are having the"over achieving dream big pretentious twat" mindset again... and let it go. Instead a new year resolution should be so goddamn ape simple even the laziest, least willing soul out there can complete "working out 1 minute a day." I take shits longer than that. and though slowly and almost stupidly you are on your way to losing 50 lbs!
Thus (its nuts) the simplicity of baby steps is the true secret to its success. It allows you instant self gratification, does not cause too much sacrifice and face it! you are accomplishing- something!
Funny how ironic magazine self-help articles coincide with my prediction of 2009- a year chalkful of babysteps. I feel it is going to be a year of trying to rearrange, readjust and reorganize the american peoples mistakes, money and mindsets.
The KKK has got to get over Obama/blackie numero uno reigning over them. Plumber Joe got to say wassup to increased taxes and the Bush family have to eventually acknowledge how much they fucked up over peas and carrots. Either way it's going to be slow, it's going to be painful but someway somehow change will prevail. MAYBE not in 2009, but we are on our way.
------------------------------------------
We are on our way--cue optimistic mindset.
My mother has placed me in charge as "head supervisor" of the packing and "purging" of my post fourth grade to present home. Slowly boxes are replacing where my treasured books lied and all the bubble wrap has engulfed tiny glass trinkets that I have cherished so much. More importantly are the objects I have decided not to keep, the ones the that are left out of the boxes and bubble wrap. They are placed either to give away, trash or to be recycled by giant compound or another family. Wherever they may be going really does not matter, these objects did not make the cut, they are termed "invaluable" to me.
I always saw myself as a pack rat, from keeping crayon scrap papers to bottle caps and stashing it away in the hobby lobby aisle in my bedroom. Convincing myself this will one day come in handy for potential project. And in many cases it has, but as my nomadic lifestyle begins bottle caps and scraps of paper really do not matter.
Or old notes, post cards, small souvenirs sooner or later they all don't matter. I would not say I am being cynical in my rampant cleansing of my home but instead maturing.
I have always kept everything, cherished every object, loved every little note or fortune cookie insert but... holding onto so much of the past, surrounding myself in PAST happy memories is not fair to the future.
I have come to terms with my immense fear of the future and change overall. I recall myself a year ago so daunted by the idea of college I tried to push it to a very deep dungeon in the back of my mind. (I didn't take the SATs until October of my graduating year) Though its a known fact that man resists change like every other force in the universe (see Newton) I am beginning to realize it really is not so bad. It is almost exciting to embrace such force, let it take you wherever it wishes and for once do exactly what you want at the exact moment. Impulse is best friends with change and I seem to be warming up to those bitches.
It has taken me three trips to (all different locations) of half price books to part with my personal library. I have completed each one of these novels at least once if not twice or so and yes everytime I have reopened them it gave me joy. But it is not as if I have forgotten the story. Knowing the dramatic twist that you didnt see coming until the very end does not make the journey as fresh as it was the first time.
I am slowly realizing that letting go of the past is not forgetting or pushing away beloved memories but instead making room for new ones be it in my heart, head or a new home.
I do not need objects upon objects to remind me of what is important in my life or who. Or to remind who is no longer in my life what aspect of myself have I grown out of (i.e. cartoon shoelaces and gummy bracelets) I have myself for that. Packing up and purging is more or less a physical act for a mental preparation for the new and exciting times of my future.
I guess I am growing up, no longer terrified of the future but ready to take a bigger bite out of it.
Slowly though.
Baby steps.
p.s. I cant wait 2009.
WHICH I am not and and of course no one else is (or anyone will admit to it) thus the only way to fulfill our resolution aspirations is to take them slow- baby steps. Baby steps is apparently the answer to weight loss, dressing more stylish, organization, success at work and in the bed! cited Glamour, Women's Health and People.
First, one must spot goal i.e. lose 50 lbs and realize they are having the"over achieving dream big pretentious twat" mindset again... and let it go. Instead a new year resolution should be so goddamn ape simple even the laziest, least willing soul out there can complete "working out 1 minute a day." I take shits longer than that. and though slowly and almost stupidly you are on your way to losing 50 lbs!
Thus (its nuts) the simplicity of baby steps is the true secret to its success. It allows you instant self gratification, does not cause too much sacrifice and face it! you are accomplishing- something!
Funny how ironic magazine self-help articles coincide with my prediction of 2009- a year chalkful of babysteps. I feel it is going to be a year of trying to rearrange, readjust and reorganize the american peoples mistakes, money and mindsets.
The KKK has got to get over Obama/blackie numero uno reigning over them. Plumber Joe got to say wassup to increased taxes and the Bush family have to eventually acknowledge how much they fucked up over peas and carrots. Either way it's going to be slow, it's going to be painful but someway somehow change will prevail. MAYBE not in 2009, but we are on our way.
------------------------------------------
We are on our way--cue optimistic mindset.
My mother has placed me in charge as "head supervisor" of the packing and "purging" of my post fourth grade to present home. Slowly boxes are replacing where my treasured books lied and all the bubble wrap has engulfed tiny glass trinkets that I have cherished so much. More importantly are the objects I have decided not to keep, the ones the that are left out of the boxes and bubble wrap. They are placed either to give away, trash or to be recycled by giant compound or another family. Wherever they may be going really does not matter, these objects did not make the cut, they are termed "invaluable" to me.
I always saw myself as a pack rat, from keeping crayon scrap papers to bottle caps and stashing it away in the hobby lobby aisle in my bedroom. Convincing myself this will one day come in handy for potential project. And in many cases it has, but as my nomadic lifestyle begins bottle caps and scraps of paper really do not matter.
Or old notes, post cards, small souvenirs sooner or later they all don't matter. I would not say I am being cynical in my rampant cleansing of my home but instead maturing.
I have always kept everything, cherished every object, loved every little note or fortune cookie insert but... holding onto so much of the past, surrounding myself in PAST happy memories is not fair to the future.
I have come to terms with my immense fear of the future and change overall. I recall myself a year ago so daunted by the idea of college I tried to push it to a very deep dungeon in the back of my mind. (I didn't take the SATs until October of my graduating year) Though its a known fact that man resists change like every other force in the universe (see Newton) I am beginning to realize it really is not so bad. It is almost exciting to embrace such force, let it take you wherever it wishes and for once do exactly what you want at the exact moment. Impulse is best friends with change and I seem to be warming up to those bitches.
It has taken me three trips to (all different locations) of half price books to part with my personal library. I have completed each one of these novels at least once if not twice or so and yes everytime I have reopened them it gave me joy. But it is not as if I have forgotten the story. Knowing the dramatic twist that you didnt see coming until the very end does not make the journey as fresh as it was the first time.
I am slowly realizing that letting go of the past is not forgetting or pushing away beloved memories but instead making room for new ones be it in my heart, head or a new home.
I do not need objects upon objects to remind me of what is important in my life or who. Or to remind who is no longer in my life what aspect of myself have I grown out of (i.e. cartoon shoelaces and gummy bracelets) I have myself for that. Packing up and purging is more or less a physical act for a mental preparation for the new and exciting times of my future.
I guess I am growing up, no longer terrified of the future but ready to take a bigger bite out of it.
Slowly though.
Baby steps.
p.s. I cant wait 2009.
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