lack of luster

loss of motivation and will. All the color seems to have seeped out. Maybe the cold front scared it into hiding? Either way it leaves me restless and dissatisfied with music, food, choices, ideas, stress and actions.

Only this seemed to be appeasing:

Blank page is all the rage
Never meant to say anything
In bed I was half dead
Tired of dreaming of rest
Got dressed drove the state line
Looking for you at the five and dime
Stop sign told me stay at home
Told me you were not alone
Blank page was all the rage
Never meant to hurt anyone
In bed I was half dead
Tired of dreaming of rest
You haven't changed
You're still the same
May you rise as you fall
You were easy you are forgotten
You are the ways of my mistakes
I catch the rainfall
Through the leaking roof
That you had left behind
You remind me
Of that leak in my soul
The rain falls
My friends call
Leaking rain on the phone

Take a day plant some trees
May they shade you from me
May your children play beneath

Blank page was all the rage
Never meant to say anything
In bed I was half dead
Tired of dreaming of rest
Got dressed drove the state line
Looking for you at the five and dime
But there I was picking pieces up
You are a ghost
Of my indecision
No more little girl

Thats it.

cute

I thought this was a really cute line from the Elephant Man.

Treves: So I thought an actress could help. I mean, unlike most women, you wont give in, you are trained to hide your true feelings and assume others.

Mrs. Kendal: You mean unlike most women I am famous for it, that is really.

cute right?

Turkey

Holidays always make me feel nostalgic.

I am in an old school rilo kiley mood right now.

Or maybe just being home makes me feel nostalgic?

As gradual as it came, I have definitely changed, good or bad, not sure yet. But the change started slow, creeped up on me and took me by surprise, and transformed me in a matter of minutes. maybe it was 3 minutes, I think that would be all that it takes. Almost like someone who has been dangling a key in front of my face for months finally gave in and *chick chock* opened my cage. As easy as that, completely painless and almost comical. It left me stunned and feeble, unsure of what to do with myself next. I imagined runnning through fields naked, but opted to sit quietly and reflect.

I am happier than ever. Lighter than ever. I think I lost my whole mysterious hermit vibe, which I dig and I just truly love doing my own thing.

I think it is a journey to truly find peace with yourself, accept yourself and actually love yourself.

my best friend said last night "I love myself, I fuck myself, I feed myself"

As ridiculous as this was chanting it in the middle of Toro, it really is kind of insightful.

I love myself= the ultimate achievement
I fuck myself= I appreciate and pleasure myself, I stroke my id, ego and super ego
I feed myself= I reward myself because I deserve myself and ensure my content and survival

either way I think #3 is everyones goal today.

Happy Thanksgiving, and make sure you feed yourself, everyone deserves it.

rock bottom

So my mom just set me on a date..

a blind date..


from a guy who lives in my neighborhood...

VIA his dad...

Have I hit rock bottom yet? Or am I just surpassing the S Waves interior and the core is approaching?

Oh wait, his name is Sven.

I think we just arrived.


Funny though, I rarely speak to my mother about my love life or lack of..sort of..either way this woman should be considerably ignorant of this subject. I dont think I even talk to my roommate about my love life/lack of..sort of... its all a big secret!
Which I love, I love secrets, everyone does.

THE BEST PART IS she told me through email and titled it "I hope you arent mad..but..." great mom.

Back to the point, what is my moms doing?! Especially since it was set up through parents, me and "sven" are both going to be awkwardly urged and insisted upon due to "politeness" from our parents to go through with a meeting/date. I can already imagine the horrible awkwardness now.

me: ......
I have hit rock bottom
Edgar: its not too bad.
at the very least we know it can't get much worst.

Optimistic outlook from Edgar...most definitely rock bottom.

2 weeks

2 weeks until

..big ass projects due
..winter break
..moving back home for a month
..getting a job
..super stokednessss


BUT there are still two more weeks until all of this greatness...meaning 14 days full of studying, project creating and perfecting and researching.

These two weeks are going to blow-major, but will be worth it in the end.

I love finals. and breaks spent in libraries :[

temperature drops

It is getting colder in Austin. I usually despite the cold for every possible reason EXCEPT cute outerwear and having an excuse to snuggle nonstoppp ;]

Too bad the latter isnt very likely hopefully cute outwear is! I have become pretty obsessed with jackets and boots lately, and I just dont know whyy.

Here are some of the jackets I have been eyeing.



Chocolate



Hazelnut





Licorice





Blueberry



smoked


mmmm some of the sizing is all crazed like, but girls if you are looking for jackets? hmm? or browse the sites and see what you can see, lets make the world a more beautiful place with cute outerwear

delta

I wish I had a triangle symbol letter key. But I dont, or Mac doesn't, Mac should get on that.

Delta.
I wonder if it really does happen, do people just wake up changed? Is it a slow process that is followed by a haste realization? or perhaps the other way around?

Either way, there is an absence and can I blame it on change? Or am I just being pretentious?

I remember being so curious about life, wanting to absorb every useless, fascinating ounce. I would describe myself as "insatiable" just because I always wanted more. There was always more- and I wanted it. But now I still see me as "insatiable" but its different now. Now, it's because nothing is good enough. Nothing is enough. My apathy is just causing me to reject everything instead of a receive. I went from a bingeing black hole to a emaciated anorexic.

I just don't seem to want anything, not anymore. But I can't even decide what it is I DO want, so if I cross how will I know to grab it?

caught me as I walking out the door

"Lets Get Lost"

I've been outside
Invited in
But I couldn't abide
Wouldn't miss it again
Burning every bridge that I cross
To find some beautiful place to get lost
I had true love
I made it die
I pushed her away
She said please stay
Burning every bridge that I cross
To find some beautiful place to get lost
To find some beautiful place to get lost
Well I don't know where I'll go now
And I don't really care who follows me there
But I'll burn every bridge that I cross
And find some beautiful place to get lost
And find some beautiful place to get lost


thought provoking. yes?

So I suck...

at blogging. obviously. 

BUT I figured I could just make it up with bombarb blogs whenever I should be doing annotated bibliographies? 

sounds good? gud.

Here's a few photoghs from the past few dayzz...

walking to class 8am. typical UT.

wtf scientology?! 

sick and cruel.

I wonder why the protestors are masked..I wonder what religion they are actually.

looking rather owl-y there mr. tower. *creeps*

Have you seen her?

theee funniest/cutest omgz

Anyone who wants a stupid cute little laugh pleaseee watch this. Anyone who knows me knows I am not much of a "youtube-er" but this just tugged my heart stringss.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xoKbDNY0Zwg

GUD news/ bad NEWz

GUD news first bc its just better to focus on the gud in life.

"Charades" was accepted into the Zero Film Fest in L.A. and plans to show Dec. 1st-6th

I play "hott girl" #1 so I am like suppperrr stokedd!

psyche I play "Meg" who is equally worthy of stoked-ness.  Congrats to Emmett Kurrrr-perkinson. Fingers crossed it does well?

super "indie/seedy" film venue *eeep!!*

website for the techies>>> www.zerofilmfest.com

and now bad news...

I got my first email...I knew the day would come...

Karen Grum****  emailed my managing editor to point out my flaws in reporting one of my most recent articles.

I was bummed. but it was my fault for being sloppy, making mistakes and just not knowing israeli culture. Which I might add learned a lot from a 2 hour seminar about "A Boy and A Pigeon"

A book by Meir Shalev and I actually want to read it..at some point in my life.

BUT REALLY when we are talking about war and pigeons being flown around and someone says "Palmach" in a heavy accent, recorded on a crappy recorder, being written quite rushed and fast forwarding through the 2 hr recording, things get a little musheddd. So I wrote "Parliament"...no dice. no dice at all.

OH and the Six-Day War is not the Israeli Jewish War, so don't make that mistake! btw the Six-Day War is also called June War and the Arab-Israeli War.

:[ so I sent an apologetic email, all pathetic like, mainly because I was so embarrassed. But everyone reassured me everyone gets "one"....(which could be a lie to make me feel better)...it kind of did, but STILL.

I know needing to update

but quite busy-bee

good news...good updates soon.

 

soon.

after astronomy!

6:29am

In an hour it will be 24 hours straight without sleep.

23 hrs 3 mins.

heart beating so quickly- feels like its about to burst.

23 hrs 10 mins.

some boy waved to me who I cannot recognize due to delerium.

22 hrs. 

getting lost in my dorm trying to find my books.

21 hrs. 30 mins.

getting cut from the Texan on Election Night. damn.

latest UPdate: RIGHT NOW-as in yesterday

Dear College,

I know I stood you up for a couple of days last week but do you really have to butt sex me for it?

Mercy,

Lindsey

close up of the living area/sleeping area=desk

geez not even unpacked yet

UPdate pt 2: moderate (france)

Last week-ish Oct.28th through Nov. 1st I spent my first Halloween in Paris. More like my first breath in a country across the Atlantic. I got a passport stamp and everything! 

After being quite a "world traveller" ;] I can now dispell some horrid stereotypes of the frenchies (they like being called that)

1. frenchies smell-- true-ish

some do smell, there is not a certain class, age or social group that smells, its just a slight stink every now and then? It is not over bearing or anything, it almost adds excitement to each new room you enter. "Will it stank?!"

2. frenchies are mean-- again true-ish

It could be the French "snobbery," the almost rightful superiority they feel over Americans that could be reason to this stereotype. When it does make sense. The entire people (city) are surrounded in art, history, fashion and knowledge, and Americans well kind of just picking their belly button lint. I imagine tourists would be kind of annoying, almost obnoxious bombarding a country, complaining about how expensive it is and actually having the nerve of getting pissed when they can't understand the frenchies' english. 

Frenchies are NOT mean when your putting down 700E for dinner though, they are actually quite charming.

3. French women don't shave-- N/A

I didn't encounter any of this, but then again I really didn't look.

4. Frenchies are lushes-- true

wine with prac. every meal? mmm. good habit, embrace it America.

5. city of love-- false

city of prostitution. high class.

6. euro cars are lame--false

more like bad ass death traps, frenchies drive so crazy in these mini speed demon-ichles I don't know how I survived. They rarely honk either, pedestrians beware.

7. fish and chips are...?---false

nottt fish or chipss (lays, pringles etc.) but duh everyone knew that. Even better fish and chips are pretty delicious, and they serve them at their local fast food restaraunts, which are difficult to find. EVEN BETTER than that you get tomato soup as a side! whatt? also option of muffins and fruit! the frenchies always do it up.

8. do they really eat croissants?--true

like breakfast everyday, total staple. totally tasty staple. if there was a staple that was croissant flavored I would puncture it into my tongue permanately. OH but french croissants dont really look like american croissants, they look more like blown up bready radishes instead a fluffy moons.

9. frenchies dont work--true

they dont. they prostitute.

10. they smoke in berets, jail-striped shirts and red stilletos.--true

only when they prostitute. 

Either way France is so ridiculously great. It makes American more than lame in comparison, almost embarrassing. 

BUT heres some visual pics to enjoy :]

^ view from the Eiffel Tower, the half way mark; a little foggy- still dope.

ya know quintessential Paris

river and pretty bridge

the louvre; early morning-ish, look at all the frenchies and non-frenchies!

please note the red sign; not the passengers.

UPdate on life pt 1; starting backwards

Starting in chronological order; recent events:

Zombie Party Happy Birthday Jenna

Overall success

Blood, Babes and Booze?

oh and ex Boyfriends= kind of a success, either way its in the past and I can always escape back to Austin. What is important here? There were sick costumes and alcohol, and Jenna is one year older and still super hot ;]

this-

 is the first blog ever.