baby steps

I am beginning think the associated press sent out a mass email to every January 2009 issue of anything demanding they run an article on new years resolutions...and how they do not and will not work IF you are an over achieving dream big pretentious twat.

WHICH I am not and and of course no one else is (or anyone will admit to it) thus the only way to fulfill our resolution aspirations is to take them slow- baby steps. Baby steps is apparently the answer to weight loss, dressing more stylish, organization, success at work and in the bed! cited Glamour, Women's Health and People.

First, one must spot goal i.e. lose 50 lbs and realize they are having the"over achieving dream big pretentious twat" mindset again... and let it go. Instead a new year resolution should be so goddamn ape simple even the laziest, least willing soul out there can complete "working out 1 minute a day." I take shits longer than that. and though slowly and almost stupidly you are on your way to losing 50 lbs!

Thus (its nuts) the simplicity of baby steps is the true secret to its success. It allows you instant self gratification, does not cause too much sacrifice and face it! you are accomplishing- something!

Funny how ironic magazine self-help articles coincide with my prediction of 2009- a year chalkful of babysteps. I feel it is going to be a year of trying to rearrange, readjust and reorganize the american peoples mistakes, money and mindsets.

The KKK has got to get over Obama/blackie numero uno reigning over them. Plumber Joe got to say wassup to increased taxes and the Bush family have to eventually acknowledge how much they fucked up over peas and carrots. Either way it's going to be slow, it's going to be painful but someway somehow change will prevail. MAYBE not in 2009, but we are on our way.
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We are on our way--cue optimistic mindset.

My mother has placed me in charge as "head supervisor" of the packing and "purging" of my post fourth grade to present home. Slowly boxes are replacing where my treasured books lied and all the bubble wrap has engulfed tiny glass trinkets that I have cherished so much. More importantly are the objects I have decided not to keep, the ones the that are left out of the boxes and bubble wrap. They are placed either to give away, trash or to be recycled by giant compound or another family. Wherever they may be going really does not matter, these objects did not make the cut, they are termed "invaluable" to me.

I always saw myself as a pack rat, from keeping crayon scrap papers to bottle caps and stashing it away in the hobby lobby aisle in my bedroom. Convincing myself this will one day come in handy for potential project. And in many cases it has, but as my nomadic lifestyle begins bottle caps and scraps of paper really do not matter.

Or old notes, post cards, small souvenirs sooner or later they all don't matter. I would not say I am being cynical in my rampant cleansing of my home but instead maturing.

I have always kept everything, cherished every object, loved every little note or fortune cookie insert but... holding onto so much of the past, surrounding myself in PAST happy memories is not fair to the future.

I have come to terms with my immense fear of the future and change overall. I recall myself a year ago so daunted by the idea of college I tried to push it to a very deep dungeon in the back of my mind. (I didn't take the SATs until October of my graduating year) Though its a known fact that man resists change like every other force in the universe (see Newton) I am beginning to realize it really is not so bad. It is almost exciting to embrace such force, let it take you wherever it wishes and for once do exactly what you want at the exact moment. Impulse is best friends with change and I seem to be warming up to those bitches.

It has taken me three trips to (all different locations) of half price books to part with my personal library. I have completed each one of these novels at least once if not twice or so and yes everytime I have reopened them it gave me joy. But it is not as if I have forgotten the story. Knowing the dramatic twist that you didnt see coming until the very end does not make the journey as fresh as it was the first time.

I am slowly realizing that letting go of the past is not forgetting or pushing away beloved memories but instead making room for new ones be it in my heart, head or a new home.

I do not need objects upon objects to remind me of what is important in my life or who. Or to remind who is no longer in my life what aspect of myself have I grown out of (i.e. cartoon shoelaces and gummy bracelets) I have myself for that. Packing up and purging is more or less a physical act for a mental preparation for the new and exciting times of my future.

I guess I am growing up, no longer terrified of the future but ready to take a bigger bite out of it.
Slowly though.

Baby steps.

p.s. I cant wait 2009.